Signs of a good listener:

1. Says 'yes' to me: an open, accepting posture of heart.
2. Is warm to me, is supportive.
3. Listens to the silences, the growth gaps.
4. Doesn't presume to have the full truth.
5. Senses what I am feeling.
6. Steps inside my situation, walks in my shoes.
7. Reflects my thoughts and feelings.
8. Receives me as I am, I do not feel judged.
9. Allows me to stumble over my words.
10. Puts aside their own concerns and needs for a while.

Signs of a poor listener:

1. Interrupts my flow of speech or thinking.
2. Changes the subject.
3. Thinks of their reply while I am still speaking.
4. Gives advice rather than sharing in a search for answers.
5. Generalises by telling me that I am the same as everyone else.
6. Jumps to conclusions and makes interpretations.
7. Tries to 'fix' my problem.
8. Moves mentally and emotionally outside my situation.
9. Moves their hands, feet, or bodily position a lot.
10. Says, 'The same thing happened to me'.
11. Feels that they have to fill pauses or silences.
12. Avoids my questions.

When I am listened to, extraordinary things happen: I come alive. Growth occurs. Walls disintegrate. I feel valued. I can feel and accept my differences and uniqueness. The healing process begins. 

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